Who knew you could love so much?

So my sister-in-law is pregnant, 12 weeks, just about out of that phase that I find petrifyingly nerve-wracking!  She has been asking me to share my experiences and asking about the do's and don'ts of pregnancy ... honestly, I am probably not the best person to ask, with my 2 glasses of wine a week from 16 weeks on, the odd bit of unpasturized cheese and sushi, my biggest no no's were putting my body in temperature extremes; no baths, sunbathing etc. as I really did not want to boil my baby's brains (and lets be honest s/he was getting some of my genes for the brain, so was already at a disadvantage) and no medications - I am not sure why I felt so strongly about this, other than in my head I felt that he did not need to build up his drugs tolerance whilst still an inside baby, and I also felt I needed to build my pain tolerance if I was to have a drug free birth - seriously, if I couldn't handle a headache how was I to handle pushing out an infant?!!!

Anyway, I digress ... it got me to thinking of my preconceived ideas of having a child in our lives.  Just like a birth-plan why do we bother to say "this will happen" or "that will happen".  

The most shocking element for me was the way in which I love my little one.  I did not know what it was to be all encompassed by love for a tiny little being, people had obviously said to me "it is unlike anything else", but that explained nothing to me.  Nobody said to me that you drink in every single facial expression, you don't care about the smell from their stinky nappies, that you strive to learn what they love, like and hate, to not mind that they dictate to you when you have to wake, sleep, eat, be at home, be out of the house, the list goes on.  If my baby is happy, then 99% of the time so am I, the way in which he looks at Chad, and me, is heart-melting, and fills me with deeper love for both my boys every time I see it.

Looking at his Daddy

The love for my very own baby is so different to the love I have felt for anyone else, different to that of my love for my mother, sister or my husband.  I love my husband more due to the love of my son, and the relationship that they have, but I have never felt so protective of a person, or so in awe of everyday accomplishments, and I am still shocked that he is Chad's and mine!

After B was bathed tonight Chad and I just went into the nursery and stared at him sleeping for a minute or two, Chad put his arm around my shoulder and said "We did good" and I agree, I love looking at his sleeping face all relaxed, he reminds me of my tiny newborn whose head was floppy and who I was scared to bathe and break, that little boy who had me in tears over the crib in the middle of the night as I felt the sleeplessness was never going to end... but it was worth it, this overwhelming love that I feel for him is worth everything.  Having B has made us a family, now I do not feel that we are all present and correct yet, I feel that there is enough love for B to have a sibling at some point in the future!!!!