The shock of a newborn and how quickly it changes ...

I will never forget that moment that B was unceremoniously dumped on my chest for the very first time after a surprisingly quick arrival - in fact so quick of an arrival that I had not quite got my head around the fact that the baby was about to come into our lives.  I know, I know ... I had 9 months to get used to the idea, but quite honestly I think that the reality had never quite sunk in, the baby was always abstract, we had everything for the baby but the baby was, somehow, not quite real.

There B was laying on my chest screaming louder than I ever imagined, having more hair than I ever imagined, larger than I ever imagined, darker skin than I ever imagined ... he felt like a stranger.  This little being that I had felt so close to for 9 months, that I had built a stronger and stronger bond with everyday was suddenly here and I did not feel as though I knew him anymore, he was a stranger to me.

Then they took him to the other side of the room to weigh him etc. then it hit me ... "they are taking him away, we haven't left each other since he was conceived  - bring him back" is all I kept thinking.  I kept asking if he was ok, of course he was ok, his screams were telling me that his lungs were healthy.

Minutes after birth, screaming to get back inside.

And that was it, the bond was formed, I loved him so much.  I never wanted anyone or anything to hurt him, I wanted him to be healthy and happy, I wanted the best for him.  My mother always said to me "I want doesn't get ... I would like might", somehow "I would like" was not strong enough in this instance, I wanted all these things for him and I would give my life for them, mother lion had come out!

Although the bond was there reality was still sinking in for us, life was to change forever, B was here and so our priorities were to change, we had a helpless being relying on us for EVERYTHING.  What happens if we mess up?  What if we cannot provide?  What if he isn't as healthy as we thought and it is a genetic issue from one of us?  What if he never makes friends?  What if he never finds a soul mate?  What if he doesn't find something that interests him?  What if he gets caught up with the wrong crowd?  What if he becomes addicted to drugs? The list was endless, all the possibilities of how things could go wrong due to nature or nurture.

First day at home as the reality hit Chad.

Thankfully things change with time, as parents our confidence has been building everyday.  Some days are tough whilst others are relatively easy, B gives back to us more now, letting us know if he is happy with our performance or not!  He has found his own voice, well his own way of communicating at least and most of the time he is a happy little chick.  I think that this is partly due to our attitude, I think that we now take everything one day, or on certain days, one hour at a time as things can change so quickly. 

Yesterday lunchtime, and this is how sad he was all.morning.long

As soon as we got outside, even though it was a grey damp day, he was a very happy little boy!

He is letting us know what he likes everyday:

• Being outside, whether in a swing, on a walk or on a blanket with toys
• Watching the dogs play
• Being thrown up in the air
• Quiet time with his toys on the floor
• Jumperoo
• Bathtime
• Patting the dogs
• Watching other children
• Eating
• Blowing raspberries

Things he hates:

•  Tummy time
• Laying on his back
• Going to bed
• Getting in his carseat
• Not leaving the house for a whole day
• Socks 
• Toys being out of his reach ... he can't crawl!

Words he finds hilarious:

• Gentle
• No!

So, the shock of a newborn wears off ... it is not like that forever!  If ever we have another child I think I will enjoy the first few months more, the lack of head control, the cuddles that last for hours, the comparable lack of will power.  And all because I know it comes to an end.  I have a better understanding of it and the fact that the crying is truly their only form of communication.  I understand now that your baby is a stranger to you, it takes months, if not a lifetime, for their personalities to develop, they do not know who they are at this stage, so how can we?